good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
my liver is dry heaving
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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