So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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