i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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