she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
