using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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