I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to align my fucking chakras
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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