my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
