do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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