now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
