What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
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So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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