so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
