I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
