You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
