There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
