i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
