come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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