Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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