thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
