sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
