....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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