Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
