so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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