why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
