Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
