I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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