I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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