3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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