Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
