things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
