We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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