I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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