Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
