so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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