Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
