peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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