What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
