Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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