I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
