his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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