There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do vagina's smell?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
