Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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