Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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