So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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