Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
