But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
