We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
