closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
