it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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