She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I am naked and annoyed.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize