so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
