he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
