just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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