tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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