Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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