I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
