WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
