I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I want to fling myself into the sun
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
