He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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