her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
