I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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