So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your cock deserves a montage
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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