We named our party play list daddy issues
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
