At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
