i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i barfeds in our rink
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
