we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
