I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
