I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
