I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
