my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize