I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
ttyl tear gas
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
