"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hate all girls vehemently.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
