If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's blow job season.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
