Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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