Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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