he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
