So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now