i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize