allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one