So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi