he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
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did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.