i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.