Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.